Not as bad as I thought…

So yesterday I had a conversation about my thesis with my supervisor.

Shortly before that, I was making myself nervous about what she was going to say. I felt the same tension that I felt last Friday, when I first heard, that I didn’t make it. It didn’t get better when I was waiting for her at the desk. She was talking to some other student, of course that made me curious… He obviously didn’t make it as well. I could conclude that, since he was telling my (or our) supervisor that if he would have picked a more easy going teacher to supervise him, he was sure to have had a better grade. I think he was right. I think that this was the same with me. Only I didn’t pick her as my supervisor, I simply let them pick one for me.

Anyway, right or wrong, we were both in the same situation and had to deal with it. Let’s face it, it’s not her fault that WE didn’t make it, even though I didn’t know exactly, what I had done wrong in my rapport.

So I’m waiting for her and listening to them discussing about why he didn’t get a better grade and why she had to grade him like she did. I don’t think it’s a good tactic to criticise your supervisor too much, especially when she still has to look at your thesis again for a final judgement. When they finally finish their conversation , she sees me and tells me to wait for a bit.

She always tells me to wait for a bit, so I just sit there and wait for her… Thinking about all the things I could’ve done wrong and the loads of criticism that I will have to take in a few minutes. This is making me nervous even more. At one point I even get tears in my eyes, because I’m not sure if I can really improve my thesis even more, since I had already taken up all of her earlier advices to get to the result that left me at this point.

After I just wiped of the two tears that were at the point of falling down my falling along my nose, my supervisor steps outside her office and gives me my thesis report. “You can already take a quick look at it if you like, I just have to get something to drink before we sit down and talk about this”. And again she leaves me. I was getting used to the feeling of waiting for her, but at least now I could look at what I did wrong.

She came back pretty quick this time and sat down to talk to me. From that moment on, everything was better than I had been picturing it before… She was nice to me, asked open questions and was trying to explain to me how I could improve my thesis. She even gave me one practical hint and openly said that if i’d done this in the report, she would’ve probably have given me a better grade (this meant I would’ve just made it).

Since she told the other guy 30 minutes before that she could not tell a student if a thesis was going to be good enough if he handed it in, this was a big hint that I should take. Of course I will also follow up her other feedback. But knowing in the back of my head, that when I really improve my thesis with all the feedback she gave me, it would most likely succeed this time, that was giving me a lot of power and confidence to try it for one more time.

Not so sad any more at the end of the conversation I said goodbye and thanked her for her good advice. This was a good start for the last phase of my thesis.This time for real! I’ll keep you posted on the process and the results!

By the way, she even made a compliment about the cover, she really liked it! So I guess I’ll use the exact same cover for the final version of my thesis, maybe I’ll even find something to top this cover, that would make a really good impression!  🙂

~Live your life like a story worth living…


First post

Although I’ve got a positive view on life, today I couldn’t find this positive feeling.

I just got back my thesis that I’ve been working on for a long time… I guess it just wasn’t good enough… I wouldn’t say it’s a masterpiece myself. Still, for all the work, sweat and tears I put in it, I really hoped for a better result than this…  What a sad day this is for me…. My heart just sank when I heard about the result. This would mean more work, more literature, more stuff I don’t like to think about anymore… It’s been long enough that I’ve been working on this theme. All I want is to finally start my life!

For me, finishing my Bachelor-degree in Communications is just a formality. In my mind I’m already finding a job and working. Because I’m ready for that now! Ready to start a real job, have responsibilities, find creative solutions and work towards a practical goal.

Life doesn’t mean you should just work, go to school and do only  things the world expects you to do. I learned to appreciate the small things in life. Even before my mother died, when I was 18, she taught  me to respect the world that we live in and everything that is part of it. She showed me how to love life, even though it can be tough, painful and unfair. This is what I’m trying to live up to, ever since.

Today however, I felt that life is tough, painful and very unfair! Will I ever finish this thesis? Will I get my Bachelor-degree in the end? Some of my friends make it look so easy… Compared to them I feel a bit dumb at the moment. Am I just not getting it, or am I just having bad luck and do I just need to give it a 100% one last time?

This day was a sad day for me, I will be sad until I go to bed.

Tomorrow I’m finding back my positive energy. I need that, to finish my thesis, to finally get my Bachelor-degree! On Monday I will get some more information on what I did wrong. Let’s hope I can work with this information, towards a Bachelor-degree worthy thesis…

For now, good night! Have a productive, inspiring and satisfying weekend.

~Live your life like a story worth living…

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Recent posts

June 2012
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Thesis deadline

Deadline for my thesisSeptember 6th, 2012
Will I make it in time; is it going to be good enough this time?