I am with I am

after watching a tv show tonight, I just realized, that I might have some kind of light depression. I also just realised, that 2- 3 years ago, I made some wrong decisions. These really small decisions, still have impact on my life today. I choose to let me talk into things I didn´t want to do. Although it were fun things, there were important other things I had to take care of that I didn´t do. Than there is this other decision, that I made a few years before that which made that the 2nd time I made some wrong decisions, are even an issue right now.

So this is not making any sense to you, I get that. The reason I am telling this is because I just realized the connection between these decisions and my current life situation, which is: still not  graduated. I am so deeply ashamed of this. I feel awful when I think about kids and people that would given everything to get the chance to go to college or university. At least I have now seen the cause of why I am currently not at the place in life, that I had wished to be.

This all comes back to the same thing, over and over again: to trust my own feeling about situations and act on it! I´m not helping anyone by not listening to myself. Remember I let myself get talked into something, even though I wanted to do things that I needed to be doing at that point? This same person is also being a victim of my bad decision making 2-3 years ago. What I am trying to say is that I have to learn to listen and act upon my own feeling again and not let my life be decided the wishes of others or things that come up in the middle of something. The second thing that I want to say is that I have learned it is also better to look if others are  listening to their inner voice. You are not only helping them, but also yourself. That person can be a better person to himself because of that, but also be a better friend because of that.

Even though I am feeling down at the moment, because of the lack of success in some areas of my life, I have always been a positive minded person. So I am confident, that there will be more positive times in my future. For now I hope it was okey for you that I share my sad moment as well. The key is what I have learned today: my situation today is created by my own decisions in the past. Time to let this sink and sleep it over. So I can start tomorrow with a positve mindset: my decisions today will change my future.

~Live your life like a story worth living…


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